Huh... (pause)... (gulp)... (resolve).
So, I decided to tackle this dragon of a topic. I was hoping not to come anywhere near it for some time on this blog. Anyway, I'm shrugging my shoulders and going for it. I hope what will come out of this post are some good reflective exchanges. I want to thank those of you who are willing to get in here and share your views, no matter how controversial. In the end, I'm betting that someone who ventures to this site will feel stronger in their personal feelings or decisions. Now, without further ado, "Let the rain, hail and wind gusts come.".
Usually I write from an objective point of view. For this topic, which is near to my heart, I'll be writing from my own personal viewpoint. Let me further say that my blog has no religious affiliation, as my goal is simply to help women, no matter what barriers may seem to exclude. For the purpose of sharing my story, I will say that I have been a christian for all of my life. Divorce was never something I regarded as keeping with my faith principles. Marrying young, and determined to be joined forever, I was very much the submissive wife and mother. I worked on my marriage and submerged myself in church and prayer to deal with the sadness that I felt in my marriage. I even planned a pregnancy, along with my husband, thinking that it might help strengthen my resolve. All of this lasted for about 8 1/2-9 years. I believed for change, mainly respect, more that anything else that I thought was attainable.
During my years in church, I heard the message of the sanctity of marriage and evil in divorce. Well bitterness eventually stepped in and became closer than a first cousin. I couldn't understand why God would not hear my soul-wrenching shouts. After all, what was wrong with me? Cynicism quickly spread. During that time, I pulled away from church, making the occasional visits to different ministries. I was afraid of being too far away from God, because in the end, I knew that I had to work through these feelings or risk my relationship with my God. The happy facade began to crumble around me. I was no longer able to fake my moods, nor hold back any words.
With much reflection, speaking with a counselor, reading, prayer (loosely structured), I came to the decision that I had to make for myself. I had so much to lose with a divorce, but in the end, the most important thing to salvage was self love. I've come to realize that God equips us with free will. He was never the source of blame for the failure of my marriage. There were certain truths that were there for me before I entered into matrimony. Through faith, I began to expect that all my attempts of expressing my feelings to my ex-husband and playing my role as a wife, would somehow lead to forgiveness in God's eyes. In the end, the all important question that remained was whether my toxic marriage was worth me self destructing and bringing down the relationships around me.
So, I decided to tackle this dragon of a topic. I was hoping not to come anywhere near it for some time on this blog. Anyway, I'm shrugging my shoulders and going for it. I hope what will come out of this post are some good reflective exchanges. I want to thank those of you who are willing to get in here and share your views, no matter how controversial. In the end, I'm betting that someone who ventures to this site will feel stronger in their personal feelings or decisions. Now, without further ado, "Let the rain, hail and wind gusts come.".
Usually I write from an objective point of view. For this topic, which is near to my heart, I'll be writing from my own personal viewpoint. Let me further say that my blog has no religious affiliation, as my goal is simply to help women, no matter what barriers may seem to exclude. For the purpose of sharing my story, I will say that I have been a christian for all of my life. Divorce was never something I regarded as keeping with my faith principles. Marrying young, and determined to be joined forever, I was very much the submissive wife and mother. I worked on my marriage and submerged myself in church and prayer to deal with the sadness that I felt in my marriage. I even planned a pregnancy, along with my husband, thinking that it might help strengthen my resolve. All of this lasted for about 8 1/2-9 years. I believed for change, mainly respect, more that anything else that I thought was attainable.
During my years in church, I heard the message of the sanctity of marriage and evil in divorce. Well bitterness eventually stepped in and became closer than a first cousin. I couldn't understand why God would not hear my soul-wrenching shouts. After all, what was wrong with me? Cynicism quickly spread. During that time, I pulled away from church, making the occasional visits to different ministries. I was afraid of being too far away from God, because in the end, I knew that I had to work through these feelings or risk my relationship with my God. The happy facade began to crumble around me. I was no longer able to fake my moods, nor hold back any words.
With much reflection, speaking with a counselor, reading, prayer (loosely structured), I came to the decision that I had to make for myself. I had so much to lose with a divorce, but in the end, the most important thing to salvage was self love. I've come to realize that God equips us with free will. He was never the source of blame for the failure of my marriage. There were certain truths that were there for me before I entered into matrimony. Through faith, I began to expect that all my attempts of expressing my feelings to my ex-husband and playing my role as a wife, would somehow lead to forgiveness in God's eyes. In the end, the all important question that remained was whether my toxic marriage was worth me self destructing and bringing down the relationships around me.
11:48 AM |
Category:
Belief,
Bible,
divorce,
Faith,
Family,
God,
Koran,
Marriage,
Religion,
Separation,
Spirituality,
Torah
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