Independence is not synonymous with strength. Now say it one more time before reading on. (Pause) Roget's Thesaurus makes that pretty clear. Independence has to do with being completely self reliant. Strength, while a close second cousin, leaves room in it's definition to accept help from others, as with a support system. Autonomy is not compromised by the assistance and comfort that comes through accepting needed support. Can you easily point to those people in your life who serve that role? Well, just like the extra packs of tampons you keep everywhere on-hand for the possible what-ifs, you'd better be able to go directly to them when the "Ah-oh" comes out of nowhere.
"I hate you... you *** ** a *****, stupid ***, low-life, good for nothing ****** ******", came busting out of my chest, somewhere along the beginning timeline of my divorce. I only collapsed to my knees, heart ablaze, with the slam of the front door and the trail off of my final insult for the night, "I knew you weren't ****". It's exactly the kind of passion that Hollywood directors want to see in their portrayal of the hard-nosed sailor chic, who could hold her own with the rest of the male crew. For my children, it meant confusion for a mommy who had done her best to hold back the ugly truths of what she may have been feeling, but never showed. I immediately recognized the need for help in my unraveling.
Peering at the emotional cadavers who were my friends (obviously needing as much rescuing as me), I searched quickly to identify alternative life-lines around me. I don't need to tell you that a good therapist was one of my first picks. The fear of not acting in haste only meant, the threat of a permanent departure from calm, in my mind.
A side note about divorce is that it could have you feeling like an undiagnosed paranoid person, wondering who's infiltrating for the other side. Haaaa! It turns out that hindsight is pretty hilarious. So I carefully identified: the patient listener, the person who wasn't afraid of pointing out my temporary bouts of psychosis, the advisor, and the all purpose helper. These people would be the out-stretched hands that would pull me ever closer to what would otherwise be a disappearing reality.
My advise, trust wisely, but do allow yourself to open up to receive help. You'd be surprised at who has the sincerest of intentions to aid you during this trying time, which can take years. You've already been warned about the lingering side-effects that follow. Acknowledge the sacrifice made by members of your support team, showing patience, or risk losing them to the casualty of divorce.
Yeah, Roget's II was right, independence is completely alien to strength and autonomy, as "independence" is only a milky-fine way of saying, FREE TO SELF-DESTRUCT IN ISOLATION.
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